In the last few emails, we’ve talked about:
- How a bag of plastic animals can help us talk about conflict
- Sarah’s journey from avoider to peacemaker
- Gallup’s truth that strong teams handle—not avoid—conflict
In this blog I would love to share some research by Morton Deutsch International Center for Cooperation and Conflict Resolutions at Columbia University
They share the four key competencies that leaders and teams need to build conflict intelligence:
- Self-Awareness (and Self-Regulation)
Self-awareness is the starting point—but it’s not enough on its own.
We also need self-regulation: the ability to notice what’s happening internally and choose how to respond, rather than reacting on autopilot.
Your CliftonStrengths talents influence how you naturally respond to tension whether you speak up, go quiet, jump in to fix, or withdraw to process.
But turning a raw talent into a true strength takes investment – adding knowledge, skill and experience.
This is something Al Wiseman from Gallup speaks to beautifully in his Mastery Monday series—a practical, insightful set of reflections on what it takes to aim your talents productively in everyday situations. For example, his article on Positivityshows how to stay upbeat without shutting down real emotion—a powerful skill when navigating conflict or team tension.
When we grow our self-regulation, we learn to:
- Spot our default responses under pressure
- Understand how our strengths might help or hinder
- Pause, reflect, and respond in ways that support the team—not just our instinct
You don’t master your strengths overnight.
That’s why I’ve curated some of my favourite tools and guides—including the Mastery Monday series—on my resource page.
If you’re serious about growing your strengths, especially in moments that matter (like conflict), it’s worth the investment.
- Social Skill
The ability to communicate with empathy, curiosity, and courage. Empathy, Individualization, and Woo can shine here. But any talent theme can stretch into this when intentionally applied. CliftonStrengths is not what we do, but how we do it.
Try this: In your next tricky conversation, lead with a strength-based question:
“What are we both trying to protect or achieve here?”
- Situational Adaptability
No one-size-fits-all. What works with one person might land flat with another.
We know that our talents filter how we see the world and we can flex to use our dominant talents in different ways. We are so much more than our Top 5 talentsafter all.
One of the biggest things I hear in a team grid discussion is “Oh we don’t have any (often) Influence themes, yet Analytical can influence with facts, data and evidence, Responsibility can influence by doing what you said you would and building trust.
Which if your talents could you lean into more to adapt, what is just outside the top 5 or even what’s at 11 or 12.
- Systemic Thinking
Seeing beyond the moment—how culture, power dynamics, and systems shape conflict. Think Intellection, Context, or Ideation. But really, this is where team awareness matters.
Ask: *Is this conflict about what happened—*or how we work together as a team?
In my work, I’m all about helping people discover and use their strengths to navigate typical conflict creators like poor communication, low trust and working in silos.
Because conflict isn’t going anywhere. But how we show up in it, that’s entirely within our control.
