Same word. Totally different meaning.
Ever noticed that?
In my leadership skills workshops, we often run a little activity. It’s simple:
On your own, write down 10 words for what coaching means to you.
Then, in a group of four, compare notes.
How many do they usually have in common? The exact same word.
One. Maybe two. Sometimes none at all!
Why? Because even though we think we’re speaking the same language—we’re not.
We bring different experiences, values, and belief systems to the words we use.
That’s why, in strengths workshops, certain themes can trip people up.
Take Empathy.
Or Strategic.
Or Adaptability.
Ask 10 people what “Empathy” means, and you’ll get 10 different answers.
And those answers most likely will not match Gallup’s definition of the CliftonStrengths signature theme of Empathy, let alone how that person experiences the theme themselves, shaped by the interplay with their other talents.
It’s the same word but the meaning? Hugely personal.
That’s why one of the most powerful tools we have as coaches, leaders, and humans is curiosity. Not assuming. Not labelling. But asking.
And when it comes to coaching, the definition I use was shaped by a mentor and friend, Ben Larkey:
Coaching = A method and a mindset to help someone be better.
??Method might be something like the GROW model and asking better (open) questions.
??Mindset is how we show up. It’s ours and theirs. It’s the iceberg model. What’s beneath the surface? Knowledge, skills, experience, upbringing, beliefs, fears and assumptions.
Words hold power—but only when we pause to understand what they mean for the person using them.
So next time someone says “I’m strategic” or “I value coaching” or “I’m working on empathy” ask them what that means to them.
It might just open a door you didn’t know was there.
